The foundation of all healing

I recently took out the time to watch Functional Medicine Doctor, Dr. Jill Carnahan's, film, 'Doctor/Patient'. I don't generally watch a lot of TV and I like to stear clear of anything that can be upsetting, but this one called me in - despite the serious subjects - so I made it a priority.

While the film touches on Dr. Jill's very severe experiences with cancer, crohn's and mould exposure, it still left me with a feeling of profound hope for humanity and, not least, complete conviction that we are heading in the right direction with healthcare. Especially towards the end, Dr. Jill ties it all up so beautifully in a way that not only touches on the work I do, but also deeply validates it - so I feel called to write.

'Love is the foundation of all healing.' - Dr. Jill Carnahan

Every time I have a first consultation with a potential client and I am introduced to whatever it is they are battling with, I am more often than not brought back to the same area (whether the person is aware of it or not); The deeply rooted need for self-love. The self-love that was lost along the way, which has either turned into self loathing, feeling different, feeling unloved, feeling unsafe or simply feeling 'not enough'.

So where did it all go wrong? Let's rewind for a second.

As babies not only are we absolutely perfect - we know that we are absolutely perfect. We know that we are miracles! So we act accordingly. We demand attention, because we know we deserve it. We scream at the top of our lungs to make our surroundings aware when something isn't right. We burp and fart with no shame attached, but rather followed by big smiles of relief, because our bodies work just as they are supposed to. What's not to love?

But then. Then comes life. Then comes our (mostly) well meaning parents and tell us that what we are doing is wrong. That we shouldn't scream at the top of our lungs to correct the wrong, that burps and farts are shameful and should be executed in private, that exploring and getting dirty isn't ideal because it causes work for them and so on.

Our peers who have listened to their parents talking bad about others and themselves, and who have also been told that they are wrong in so many ways, join the choir and take their own insecurities out on you. They (subconsciously) notice that you have managed to hold onto an area that was closed down for them, so they make sure that you know that what you are doing right there is wrong. And that hobby you have? It's dorky. And also, you look funny, because your nose is big and your hair isn't straight. So you start looking yourself in the mirror and notice that nose of yours, that your hair is curly and not straight and actually, now that you are examining yourself, you might be a bit short and your belly is round.. You feel an inner sadness and wish you were more like the other kids in class.

Your teachers expect more of you than what you are showing - it's just not good enough. You lack concentration and should be able to spell and do maths at a much higher level than you are currently at. Your parents nod accordingly and start putting pressure on you at home, because they can't cope with the idea of having a child that achieves below average.

You fall in love with that totally cool person in class, so you decide to send a valentines letter only to have it read out loud in the school yard. Everyone starts laughing and your face turns red. You run to the toilet with your broken heart and while the tears stream down your face, you conclude that vulnerability is not for you. No way are you putting yourself out there again.

You get a smart phone just as your brain is developing in crucial areas that make you very self aware. To make matters worse you are now exposed to social media, so every single day, several times a day, you see how everyone else is having so much fun and you aren't included. What you focus on grows stronger, so you notice the exclusion more and more in all areas of your life. Also, your parents are getting divorced, which you are fairly sure is partly (if not completely) your fault. Clearly something is deeply wrong with you. You feel left out, unloved, different and rejected at a time where all you want to do is fit in. So you keep trying to prove your self. You keep trying to please those around you, to make them see that maybe, just maybe you are loveable? Yet again and again your heart, soul and worth takes a beating. Sometimes by big life events/traumas, sometimes in the more subtle ways - the ones that are repeated and thereby become a deeply engrained part of your subconscious.

All of these experiences, big or small, become your belief system and your life takes shape hereafter. Because we start to act according to the beliefs we form and so we strengthen the neural pathways connected to it, creating a loop of reinforcement. As an example, let's say you have a deep inner belief that you are unloveable (very common). Chances are you will seek out people and situations that confirm this belief; People who turn you down, jobs with colleagues that bully you and a lifestyle that harms you.

Slowly this just becomes part of your life. Of your identity. And you don't question it, because life never shows us the alternative. You just accept it for what it is. And for some, as Dr. Jill brings attention to, it can eventually cause disease (dis-ease).

The thing is, it doesn't have to be this way.

It is no secret that I am a huge fan of functional medicine. Seeing the whole human and getting to the root cause can only be better than managing symptoms till it gets so bad that there is no option of return (which, in my opinion, is what is happening in our current sick-care system).

I like to welcome my clients with a functional medicine approach. I dig deep, because I want to get to the root cause of what is troubling them. And once we have uncovered the root cause, we start the repair process. It can take a while and the process is in no way linear (healing never is), but self-love is always part of it.

Only a person who has love for self will have a lifestyle that takes care of their mind, soul and body.

Only a person who has love for self will choose to be surrounded by people who show them love.

Only a person who has love for self will believe that they are worthy of all the good life has to offer.

And here is the good news; You can learn to love yourself. No matter how old you are or what you've been through. Self love comes from within - it is not determined by what goes on around you. You can learn to set boundaries. You can learn to put yourself first. You can learn how to embrace the sides of yourself that you formerly believed were unloveable. You can leave situations that aren't serving you. You can learn to choose in your favour. Self-love is your birth right. And there has never been a better time to start truly getting in touch with it than right now.