Exiting loneliness

I have always been aware of the loneliness epidemic. While it without a doubt is more apparent to me now, it has always been there, and these days my mind keeps returning to it. Maybe because I recently became aware of just how bad the numbers are (more on that further down).

Here's my take on a specific area that definitely isn't helping: Screens.

Something about the way screens have moved into our world has created a conflicting space for connection. It gives us an absolutely amazing opportunity to meet and be with people despite physical distance, yet it very often disconnects us from the humans physically closest to us.

Take public transportation as an example: Before screens there was more interaction amongst passengers. Not necessarily a lot of talking, but at least acknowledgement of fellow passengers. Today, if you choose to be one of the few screenless beings on the train/tube/metro/bus and have a good look around, 98% (made-up number based on experience) will either be looking down at their phones or have headphones on, listening to something (from their phone). Or both. And we wonder why loneliness is everywhere. We are more or less ignoring each other on a daily basis.

A study reported at the annual meeting of the Society for the Study of Motivation in 2012 showed that being ignored has an immediate effect. The study participants being ignored reported feeling more socially disconnected than those who had gotten acknowledged - whether or not the acknowledgement came with a smile (Source: livescience.com).

In the UK 50% of adults report feeling lonely at least occasionally, sometimes, often or always (Source: Campaign to end loneliness).

Around a quarter of adults (about 26–27%) say they feel lonely always, often, or some of the time (Source: Office for national statistics).

And this is just the UK! So many people out there are suffering in silence. Frankly, these numbers give me the chills.

So then how do we exit the spiral of loneliness?

We connect. We look up. We say hello to strangers. Strike up a conversation. While small talk might feel superficial at first, it is proven to make a difference.

If interacting with strangers is new territory to you, start small.

• Start by simply acknowledging: Nod at someone you pass on the street. Daily. For a week.

• Then, next week, add a smile.

• The week after, say hello.

• Slowly gather the courage to speak about the weather. Or that vegetable on sale in the supermarket. Or that thing you saw in the news.

Before you know it, you will be spreading ripples of connection and essentially you will be contributing to making the world a better, more connected and less lonely place to live in. For other people, definitely, but also very much for yourself.