Perfectionism

I have clients who strive for perfection in everything they do. So called perfectionists. Humans, who are terrified of showing their 'flaws', because at some point, a long time ago, they started believing, that the only way they could receive love was by being 'perfect' and doing everything 'perfectly' or, at least, the way the people they needed love from wanted. So, the belief that 'simply being who I am is not good enough' was installed. Only by being perfect in other people's eyes were they loveable. And, in all fairness, this conclusion might have been true at that point in their lives. As children, we are dependent on the grown-ups responsible for us. So if perfectionism/doing things in a specific way was the requirement, then conforming was the only way to 'survive'.

The trouble with this strategy (as with so many others) is that it becomes an ingrained part of who the person is. Long after it is no longer required for 'survival', the story stays in the system and is perceived as the truth. It is stressful, because it is constant. It is a nervous system in continuous overdrive and so most perfectionists are thoroughly exhausted! Deep down they know, that striving for perfection in everything they do is no longer serving them, but it is all they know. What was once a survival strategy is now slowly dimming the spark. How do they stop?

My answer to this question would be to start by addressing the root cause. This is beautifully done with rapid transformational therapy (RTT). With RTT, not only is the root cause investigated, but the old story of not being loveable without perfection is reframed. It is replaced with the new story. The story of how true beauty is found in what makes you authentically you - everything included (also the messy parts). In many ways it's the story of Kintsugi - the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the pieces back together with gold and thereby creating something even more extraordinary out of the imperfection.

Essentially, with RTT, the story of being terrified of revealing the true self is replaced with excitement about authenticity and a deep knowing that this alone is a loveable way of being.

In a world where most things can be mass produced with all details in perfect alignment by the click of a button, I sincerely believe that being human and having 'flaws' is something we all will appreciate more than ever. As far as I can tell, authenticity is already in high demand. Not long from now, perfection will be a thing of the past. Being perfectly imperfect is the way forward.

Humans are unique pieces of art. True art is defined by the small imperfections displayed in it's entirety - it's what makes it powerful. Why would we be any different? With all our quirky features and cracks we are all, individually, gifts to the world.

So, if you are struggling with perfectionism, this is the part where you change the script and start showing your true colours. All of them. Where you let your nervous system rest and simply let go. Where you give yourself permission to shine, just as you are. Where you step into your power and live authentically true to you. And if you need help with this, you know just where to find me.